Lonestar and the Schwartz

It is amazing what having nurses scrubbing your fatass so you can have 2 foot needle jabbed in your back 3 times will do. Well that is what happened about a year ago right before having back surgery. Well I don't know what caused it, but I could reference some friend's moms and I think everyone would understand.

Needless to say, back in June of 2008 and 230lbs, I was sliced and diced and was stapled up and good as new, or at least slightly straighter.

Well it was at that point I decided I needed a little motivation. Apparently, losing a bit of weight

would help with the healing process. So it was then, along with a couple shots of Wild Turkey I decided to commit to a Triathlon. You know, one of those things to do before your fifty, like urinate in a beer pitcher and let some funnel it or do push ups on a fire at a tailgate.

So I signed up for the Lonestar Triathlon in Galveston, Tx. along with my father-in-law (aka Cutworm) and my buddy Shaun from work. Shaun was good to go since he already had done one and if he didn't he would have to listen to me call him a chump everyday while we worked out. Surprisingly, Cutworm was easily convinced as well. What seemed as one of those lets go jump out of an airplane, I'm bigger than you, showdowns, it seemed everyone had drank the thanksgiving koolaid. I believe about 10 people were going to do it, but it took about a week for 9 of them to drop out. Old age makes you senile I guess since Kenna's dad was comiited every step of the way.

He did have the advantage the day of the race since wakeup call was 5am and at his age he would prob be ready for lunch by then. He just wasnt ready for the 66 degree water, nor was I.

Needless to day, we both made it will admirable results. And while he quoted Apollo in Rocky "Ain't gonna be no rematch", Im pretty sure he will need little convincing for next years event.

If anyone is interested pictures from the event can be seen below:

First for me..... http://www.asiorders.com/view_user_event.asp?EVENTID=45850&BIB=30

And for Cutworm..... http://www.asiorders.com/view_user_event.asp?EVENTID=45850&BIB=437

Next up: July 12th in Katy, Tx....something called an Intergalactic Triathlon.

Amsterdamned if you do....Amsterdamned if you don't

Well this might be the last time I blog. As it has been an enjoyable time sharing my dull adventures over here, keeping this up is as likely as me getting a myspace page. And who wants to here my views on football anyway when I still think Donovan McNabb should start for the Eagles and I am currently strategically figuring out a way for LSU to still play for the national title.

Anyway, I am currently sitting in the Amsterdam airport waiting on my flight home to see my love. I am currently out of Euros as I spent it last night in the Red Light District for some going away love. I still can’t figure out why I still had the munchies after eating the brownies in the coffee shop. Seems like it would cancel each other out, if not you would have a bunch of fat people running around Amsterdam.

Two nights ago, I hit the town of Leuven at around 7:00 in 6 degree Celsius weather. Now I don’t know the whole conversion system but might nipples could cut through glass. I was able to find my way downtown to see a famous church St. Peter, which was pretty sweet. But I more enjoyed seeing a statue of what I believe was a gremlin dowsing himself with beer and reading a book. The one observation I take away was that I could not live here. I am just too fat to live out here. Everyone I passed was half the size of me. I felt like an O-lineman at kicker camp.

I eventually made it into a restaurant where you apparently suppose to order your drink and food at the same time. The waiter took umbrage to me waiting to decide so he preceded to give me a medium raw steak instead of medium. I did have two glasses of Duvel beer which literally knocked me on my ass.

The next day was my last day of work before my driver took me to Brussels to catch a train to Amsterdam. Again, being in the heart of Belgium, the capital city, which an immense selection of eclectic food, I said why not….and had a piece of pizza from Sbarro’s.

The journey to this point had been an enjoyable one which almost turned sour. Having enough difficulties figuring out which train was which, I found my train, hopped on the cart and preceded to bang through the aisles with my luggage and then realizing my armed seemed a little light and I did not have my laptop. After smashing through the Belgian wall of defense, it was luckily still on the bench outside the train still intact. While on the train, I was able to avoid near brawl between the pregnant Indian girl and the old big German for putting his bag on her coat…..and coast into Amsterdam 30 minutes late. With a continent that apparently only has about 8 hours of daylight, I once again was unable to see the town.

After a 20 euro cab ride to a hotel which was allegedly right by the train station, I finally checked into my room and head out on the town. My first encounter with a local was about a minute outside my hotel who asked if I wanted a coke. When asked for Diet he seemed to disgusted. Not good salesmanship if you ask me. I was approached about 10 more times that night for coke. I would realize the next day, there was probably a translation issue….its Coke Light not Diet Coke.
I passed numerous coffee houses and now find it difficult to pass a drug test just by simply walking pass the places. With the street illuminated by red lights I figured I would check out what I assumed to be some wholesome entertainment. Too my surprise their scantly clad women of all shapes and sizes scored through the windows looking for assistance. My only assumption was that they were tanning salons. Why else would they be half naked with those lights.

Anyway, I am looking forward to getting back to the states. You have know idea how loud people laugh at you when you try to pay with a US dollar. It is ridiculous and it made the whole trip fairly expensive. The only tanning booth girl that would take one was the fat girl with three nipples down one of the dark alleys.

Well I hope you all enjoyed reading my adventures and I appreciate all the comments and feedback I received. I hope you all have and enjoyable holiday season and I was able to provide some good info into the Dutch / Belgian experience.

Bonjour from Belgium again...which means Belgian chocolate i think

Greetings again all. Well I actually managed to take a picture of myself. If you are wondering about the crazy look it is because I have been unable to adjust to the hours and have only slept a couple of hours each night. I have been wired on vending machine coffee for the last couple days, and man, does that tear up your stomach. More on that later in the update.

Last night I went out to eat with a colleague just outside Everburg where I am working. It was Italian food so like any American I ordered the pizza with salami (not pepperoni) and Canadian Bacon or as the rest of the world calls it....ham. I also had perhaps the best tomato soup in the world but my measuring stick is Krogers Progresso in Houston vs. homemade Belgium.

For the beer, I ordered Hoegaarden, which apparently is a womans beer but oh well. Overall, it wasnt bad. I think though i am going to come back to the US and start a beer called Rakeyard or Shovelhole .........sorry...but not that many hours of sleep will kill the jokes.



But it was some great food and I was just glad to get out. Later tonight I plan on hitting the town and drinking some Duvel. This is a darker and stronger beer which is best served with alot of head apparently....Hmmmm.....i think I will continue....


One thing I do enjoy is the privacy of the bathrooms. The door goes all the way down which is awesome. Therefore people throughout the day will not see the 1995 Jordans that I am wearing to work and realize that I cant handle the coffee.

By the way....I still have not figured out the paper towels.......



Well that is about it....bout to go hit the town....some colleagues said that there was an American in from San Diego running around Leuven taking in the sites. Even gave me a picture to search by.

Greetings from Belgium

Greetings.....I have officially gone global. Being here by myself I have hit loser mode by taking pictures in front of the mirror but what else is there other than hit the button and run.

The 10 hour flight was somewhat relaxing. That is if you call a fat guy squeezing into the two seats to sleep relaxing. I thought it would be safe to wear my LSU sweatshirt and avoid Arkansas talk...but no avail. Apparently young Americans visit Amsterdam. Not sure why.


Took a train to Belgium, and after a train change in Mechelen, where I attempted to get on the control cart, I finally made it to my hotel in Leuven.


And while It took me a while to figure out the lights (a switch that controls all the other switches) it tooked me less time to figure out the pay channels were of the adult nature since the picture was blacked out but not the sound.My neighbors probably wonder what I was up to and why there were goat noises in the background.


While I did not make it out of the hotel last night, I did embrace the culture by ordering a Hamburger and fries. I did have a Leffe Blond beer which appeared pretty feminine when served in what appeared in a wine glass as everyone else drank out of what appeared to be a gallon glass. The last thing to figure out is the paper towel machine in the bathroom so if anyone knows why there is no end, I would appreciate it. My computer is wet right now.


Lastly, my goal is to get my daughter an authentic Dutch playhouse as the one from Japan obviously sucks.